Which is to be brought about, according to I.G. “by the unprecedented levels of noodliliousness created by The Holey Colander, a synergistic fusion of the divine image of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and the sacred colander.
I met I.G. while he was street preaching in Prahran, which apparently involves getting a coffee, finding a nice sunny spot, and waiting quietly for someone to ask about “Pastafaranism”. When I asked if this was effective, he told me “Not really, but one of the primary tenets of Pastafarinism is suggestions 1:1, Don’t be a dick. I can’t go round shouting and getting in peoples faces, just because I feel it’s important.” When he was touched by the noodly appendage, a "wonderful" experience, I.G. was given a mission is to spread nodilicousness throughout the globe, and he has been chosen to design, manufacture and distribute The Holey Colander to help fulfill the Noodly Ones divine goal.
“It’s great to be chosen to fulfil such a wonderful mission, after all, who doesn't want mature cheese and tasty sauce ?”
The Flying Spaghetti Monster is a satirical deity, an internet meme sparked a decade ago, as a protest against teaching intelligent design in the US. In time a mythology and rituals have formed around the “Noodly One”. One part is that colanders are sacred as religious head wear. I.G.’s revelation is simply a colander, with a Flying Spaghetti Monster symbol created by the holes in the base. Noodilicousness is apparently a supernatural force that emanates from the Holey Colander, that will, allegedly, among many other “noodly blessings”, make your sauce tastier.
I.G. has decided to wear his colander “religiously” until he achieves his mission. There’s a certain irony there, as one of the aspects of Pastafarinism is it’s lack of compulsion. When I asked of this I.G. laughed, “Of course I don’t have to wear it, but I feel it’s the best way to take my important revelation to the Noodly Masses. People might wear a colander to parties, weddings, and for the odd driver’s license photo, but I’ve not heard of anybody wearing one on an everyday basis. l’ve had lots of positive comments, and people asking about my fine head wear. A few people think it’s a “tin foil hat”, but I would never wear anything ridiculous like that”.
I also learned that the Flying Spaghetti Monster finds people wearing colanders, very pleasing, but when the Noodly One googles he sees images that lack the style and practicality that he feels a Pastafarian should carry. To resolve this, he appointed I.G. as the worlds first Smilliner, to design and create practical head wear from the holey alloy, useful as both a kitchen and fashion accessory.
In closing, I asked I.G. if he actually believes in the Flying Spaghetti Monster, he sat, removed his colander, and set it down. “Of course not, I’m just a guy, who had an idea he thought the internet would love, and is doing his best to make it a reality, I want it to reach the millions of people who enjoy the Flying Spaghetti Monster satire, and I felt the most effective way, was to be the world’s most devout Pastafarian.” He then replaced his colander, smiled, and as we were leaving, told me that when wearing a Holey Colander, the Flying Spaghetti Monster will protect you from zombie attacks, alien abductions, and dinosaur predation, but if there’s an electrical storm, best to take it off.
Melbourne Man touched by Satirical Deity.
Local man, I.G. McSporran, claims to have been “touched” by the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and to have been given a divine mission.
"To create a world of tastier sauces, fragrant herbs, mature cheeses, fine drink, hearty meatballs and al-dente pasta."